When should my child see a psychologist? Signs by age

Children go through ups and downs as they grow. Tantrums, fears, sleep troubles or difficulty settling into school are often a natural part of development. Still, as a parent you may sometimes have a sense that something is not quite right. This article is here to help you think that feeling through, talk to your child about seeing someone, and understand what a first meeting with a child psychologist is like.

How do I know if my child needs a psychologist?

Rather than focusing on a single behaviour, it helps to look at how long it has lasted, how intense it is and how much it affects your child's daily life. Changes that have continued for several weeks, cause problems at home, at school or with friends, and seem clearly different from other children of the same age are a good reason to talk to a professional. Support can also be protective after big events such as a move, a divorce, the birth of a sibling, a loss or bullying.

What signs should I look for at different ages?

Preschool years (roughly ages 2 to 5):

• Clear delays in speech or development for their age
• Very frequent, long tantrums that are hard to soothe
• Intense fear when separating from a parent that does not ease over time
• Losing skills they had already learned, such as toilet training
• Difficulty with eye contact, play or interacting with other children

School age (roughly ages 6 to 11):

• Repeatedly refusing to go to school, or frequent stomach aches and headaches
• A clear drop in attention, learning or school performance
• Struggling to make friends, or often being alone
• Frequent nightmares, strong fears or constant worry
• Aggressive behaviour or hurting themselves

In the teenage years, signs to take seriously include withdrawing from others, long-lasting unhappiness, big changes in sleep or eating, substance use or expressions of hopelessness. For this age group, professionals who specialise in working with adolescents may be a better fit.

How do I tell my child we are going to see a psychologist?

It is important that your child does not see the visit as a punishment or as proof that something is wrong with them. Use calm, honest language that suits their age:

• For young children, a simple explanation is enough, such as 'we are going to meet someone who plays games and talks about feelings'.
• With school-age children, you can gently mention something they have found hard lately and say you will see someone whose job is to help with that.
• Ask teenagers for their views, involve them in the process and learn together what stays confidential.
• Acknowledge your own feelings too, and emphasise that getting support is a strong step for the whole family.

What happens in a first session with a child psychologist?

The first meeting is often with the parents only. The psychologist asks about your child's developmental history, what worries you, family routines and school life. Then come sessions to get to know your child. With younger children these meetings usually happen through play, drawing and stories, so the child does not feel questioned.

The assessment may take a few sessions. At the end the psychologist shares their observations with you and explains the support they recommend. This might include regular sessions with your child, parent sessions or, where needed, a referral to a child psychiatrist, a speech and language therapist or a special education expert.

What is play therapy and who can it help?

Young children often find it hard to put feelings into words; play is their natural language. In play therapy the therapist uses toys, a sand tray, puppets and art materials to give the child room to express their inner world. Through play, a child can work through fears, anger or difficult experiences in a safe setting. Play therapy is commonly used with preschool and school-age children for anxiety, adjustment difficulties, behaviour problems and after difficult life events.

When looking for the right professional for your child, it helps to check their experience with children and with play therapy. On InnerWell you can filter verified experts by topic and by the language your family speaks.

If your child talks about hurting themselves, is harming themselves or is in any danger, do not wait: call 112 right away. Taking your concerns seriously is one of the most valuable things you can do for your child.